State of Mind

That feeling you get in the right angle of your heart, when that special one confesses to you that you weren't all that special after all. That emptiness when you glance back on the 'I love you's' exchanged, dwelling in the futility of mere words. Which hurts more? Time lost or feelings wasted.... 3 relationships in the less than a year leaves me with more mixed feelings than I care to have. The burden of love lost, lies entwined, trust compromised and commitment destroyed, (X3)... Its easier to be alone. I am alone now but I still reflect. I reflect on the burdens I've carried, my emotions are bitter-sweet. Just like a woman in labour. - bitter, sweet. Regrets camouflaged by smiles. I wonder if you can see, I wonder if it shows, I wonder if you care.

*Current State of Mind*

Thanks guys for all your kind words. *blowing kisses*

Dear Dad...

Dear Dad,
For every tear I shed, for every time I whisper 'daddy', I hope u hear me.
I almost thought time willl stop when you left, it didn't, its almost a year.
It helps me feel better when I think that I am the one who misses you the most, the one who you loved the most. Selfish I know, but it helps. Now I realize you are the man I loved the most. Remember when u were ill, how we kept that journal to record your progress, I still can't bring myself to read it.
When I remember my last moments with, the pain I feel is unimaginable. Its a scene that replays over in my head although I wish I didn't.

I passed the aptitude test for that firm you really wanted me to get into, but somehow I feel you already know this. I feel your love, it keeps me going. I started this letter with the terrible fear that I was losing my memory of you, forgetting your scent, forgetting your words. On concluding now, I know that's simply impossible. I can never forget you.
I love u beyond words and I can't stop missing you.

Love.

V monologues

Like a lazy child, I've been putting off blogging week after week. Mostly because I have not learnt enough 'okrika' to take up sugabelly's language challenge. All I have learnt is how to say 'my name is...and I am an accountant'..not very impressive I tell you.

A lot has happened in my life since I dropped my pen but the most exciting of all is that I am now a graduate! Yipee! That and I am also an unemployed job seeker...oh..and V is for Virgin. I don't mind being a virgin honestly, but dating a V, is a different ball game. I become a practice canvas for all his fantasies and thoughts, so basically he is 'using me to practice'

This guy, I knew he was a virgin before we started kinda sorta maybe dating. So the first time, we are together, I know he's dying to kiss me but he won't make a move, he probably doesn't know how to, so I do him a million dollar favour, I make the move. Turns out making the move wasn't exactly the problem. At 23, he has NEVER kissed a girl. So I then have to teach him for to kiss. This is basically giving someone the license to clink teeth with yours, give u more than a healthy dose of saliva etc etc. He catches up slowly and fairly. Then suddenly, it hits me, I have changed his life, I have not only taught him2kiss, but given him his first kiss. Then he raises his hand, slowly and timidly, like a kid signaling to the teacher. Puzzled, I ask 'what?'..apparently, he wants2try again. See, 'using me to practice'.

I don't want to be a teacher, I don't have the patience. I don't want a V, I want someone who knows what to do, someone who at least can kiss me and take my breath away.No, I can't teach you to take my breath away, that just comes from experience.
My friend says, I am looking for a 'bad boy' that will break my heart. Well, who's to say I know what I want?



P.s; I missed this place :) and my next post must be an audio post in my language. Amen.

Welcome Back

I think its been a year or two...I cant believe how much I've missed this place.*sigh*, so much has happened, alot has come and gone. Some of my favourite bloggers have quit on me, a (whole) lot of new ones have emerged. Even when I wasn't blogging, I still loved reading blogs.

Anyways, after a long hiatus, I'm back. :)  I hope to be a better blogger.

Did you miss me???

Kisses.

p.s: My comment box wasn't working, its up now. Thanks BSNCWe